The camera really doesn't do him justice. He's way cute, so cute in fact that he defied being given as a gift. Lin and I bought him for something like 5$ at a Boston J.C. Penny's. We meant to give him to my cousin Nathalie's two year old boy, but Nathalie lived in New york and while we waited for our next trip there we sort of got attached to this dumb piece of made in China fluff. Nathalie's kid got a wooden dinosaur that clacked as it moved about on the floor, we gained a toy and the finest bedroom decoration and a mock baby to take in our own juvenile moments or, alternately, parentlike ones. I'm sure lot's of couples do that. Don't they? What most couples don't do is name their teddy bear Doobi Otso. Doobi is the Hebrew word for a teddy bear, and has nothing to do with the intake of soft drugs. Otso was the word used by ancient Finns to refer to the bear. The actual Finnish word Karhu, signifying bear, was taboo in shamanistic Finnish culture. The bear was a sacred god whose name could not be uttered. I still own a tiny Finnish children's book name "Panu and Otso make music". In it a boy and his teddy bear play various instruments. Otso is the bear's name, and that's a cute bear too.
Panu and Otso make music was the gift of an ex-lover on mine. Ulla from Helsinki, who hoped it would help me learn music-related words in her somewhat less than musical language. Ulla is no longer my lover, nor is Lin. right now I'm with downtown lover.
Which brings us to the following bear, Doobi Hamoodi.
He wasn't named that before I came along. He was just plain old Doobi then. downtown lover's dad brought it for her from a trip abroad when she was five. She asked for a huge bear and he promised she would get one. When the family picked the dad from the airport he handed her very typically sized Doobi Hamoodi. DL swallowed her disappointemnt and said thank you nicely. When they arrived at home he pulled out of his suitcase a replica twice her size of the same bear. It should come as no surprise that it is the tiny bear, rather than the huge one, that became a lifelong bed buddy to her. The big bear remains in her parents home, nearly untouched, while doobi Hamoodi is shaggy to the point of disgrace. His fur is super-worn and his eyes are so far sunken into his face that he appears to be perfectly blind. That's a well hugged bear, a bear with a history.
When two lovers meet, so do their histories. I showed Doobi Otso to DL when we first came together, told her his story and explained that he was almost family in my seven year long previous relatioship. Such a long relationship is a lot for a new lover to contend with, so she was surely pleased about the fact Doobi Otso was kept in a closet rather than soaking my tears of loss in bed every night. Not to mention that I am a man in his thirties, I really shouldn't have a teddy bear anywhere outside of a closet.
Doobi Hamoodi, on the other hand, is partner to DL's free spirited years. Like the portrait of Marlene Dietrich in Susanne Vega's famous song, he was watching the rise and fall of all her former men. He was even there when she was undressed the night that inspired her much quoted two line poem, first published in "Maayan":
When you undress me
Even the shirt moans.
"This bear is so cute," I told her when I first saw him, "When you undress him, even his sweater moans." I realized that respecting Doobi Hamoodi would be respecting DL's past and present, what made her a woman and what made her a little girl. However, while I was focusing on that Doobi, she discovered that there was yet another one in my closet.
Meet Doobi Gefilte.
Lin gave me Doobi Gefilte before she left, so I can start anew, without the baggage linked to Doobi Otso. It was the sweetest farewell gift imaginable, and yet I kept him in the closet too. For god's sake, I'm a man!I pulled it out for her on one of the first nights she stayed over "I can't fall asleep" she complained, "And I don't have my doobi..." I replied that I have doobi around that might be useful, a realy nice one. I used the Aramaic term "shufra D'shufra" - finest of the fine.
Downtown lover fell madly in love. She realizes it's a gift from my ex, so in a way it can't be embraced by her. It can never be "ours". If we want our own relationship Doobi, we had better go out and purchase one, but damn it! it's a cute bear! Lin made no compromise in picking him out. It's a top notch bear. How can DL not fall in love with it? and was it not a gift? it was too! a gift meant to symbolize renewal. Doobi Gefilte can be loved. or can he be?
What to do? A mad web of Doobious passion and intrigue has formed. In relationships nothing is simple, not even stuffed animals. Nostalgia, love, pain, sexual histories and foam stuffing interwove to form the greatest drama of our time. In the meantime all doobis enjoy their time in the limelight, and doobi gefilte even wore a special red ribbon in its honor.
